Before you dismiss that bespectacled grimacing virgin salivating over a special edition "Ninja Scroll" DVD, consider that a heart of gold beats within. But if that doesn't convince you perhaps you need Akadot's ...

10: Handy to have a steady who can hack into your school's academic records.

9: Because microwave beef burritos bring out your wild side.

8: They think your bad hair days are Goku impressions.

7: You're sensitive to sunlight.

6: You're too cheap to buy a DVD player yourself.

5: Because you're a Norse Goddess.

4: Can't be worse than the "Babylon 5" fan you just dumped.

3: Showers cut into your Toonami viewing as well.

2: Because anime aren't cartoons, damn it. No one gets that.

1: You're underage and need cigarettes.