Cloistered in Digital Manga's Carson, CA prison, awaiting release - Governor Hikaru Sasahara is a kind man - Akadot's former editor Luis Reyes (inspired by the popular video, Girls Gone Wild) envisions the multitude of experiences he shall now indulge with the passion of a rhino in heat. The afternoon sun beats down, the ticker is counting down and in any moment Luis will get down to debauchery in ways that can only be described in tomorrow's headlines as...

Luis: composes a retraction of the Lost Universe, Amazing Nurse Nanako and Ronin Warriors reviews, apologizing for being so kind in his original assessment.

Luis: shows ups on the doorstep of Animerica with resume, writing samples, and the top secret Akadot writers' handbook duplicitously in hand.

Luis: shows his bare breasts to every beered up otaku waving a set of plastic Cowboy Bebop box sets. The slut.

Luis: demonstrates his agility by attending anime conventions and grabbing school girl cosplayers (and opening beer cans) with his vein-bulging, prehensile schlong.

Luis: exposes the truth that ADV actually owns Digital Manga, Viz, Bandai, Central Park Media, Media Blasters, Urban Vision, AnimEigo and your soul.

Luis: releases photographic evidence that Jessica Calvello is actually a man ... and Brett Weaver is actually a woman ... and Matt Greenfield actually hails from the Myxzaderbaun galaxy.

Luis: announces that he is actually a highlander who needs to kill off his Luis Reyes moniker and assume the younger identity of current Akadot editor Tim Law to deflect suspicion.

Luis: dates Mari Iijima. Well, a ten-foot high cardboard cut-out he had made of her, replete with the pop singer's real hair, which he obtained by breaking into her apartment and scraping follicles off of her pillow.

Luis: joins Sailor JAMboree so the group finally has the leg they so desperately need.

Luis: develops an acute case of Yellow Fever ... and gets arrested because he just can't tell.

Luis: reassured by their standards and promise of smack, decides to become a Central Park Media voice actor.

Luis: storms defiantly into the middle of a crowded convention floor to scream out, "They're just cartoons for Christ's sake!"

Luis: starts a companion cult to the famed anime news magazine he helped build and calls it Akapot ... a medicinal haven for the disenfranchised anime journalist.

As always, Akadot welcomes submission for new top ten lists based on existing topics or on entirely new topics. Email all entries to [email protected].

Luis Reyes © ADV.