In the Spirit of America, Akadot proudly exercises our favorite constitutional right, the freedom of self-deprecating speech, presenting ...

10: Every god-fearing American should have the right to retreat from the world, and create a surrogate purpose for his own life by vicariously tying his own self-worth with the achievements of his favorite animated character.

9: Every red-blooded American must have the right to explode into frantic tantrums of rage at faulty coding on an anime DVD.

8: Every truehearted child in America deserves the opportunity to compete with Japanese children in the World Epilepsy Championships.

7: Every gun-toting American is born with the right to masturbate to ambiguously aged, animated girls and boys in shapely clothing.

6: Every freedom loving American cherishes the right to squander his precious funds away on cheap, plastic effigies of his favorite anime characters instead of squandering his precious funds lining the pockets of fat cat school administrators or ivory tower business owners.

5: Every patriotic American values beyond all else the right to attend assemblages of like-minded nationalists at second-rate hotels for whole weekends of tragically over-hyped programming, over-priced dealers and sorrow-drowning binges in stench-filled rooms.

4: Every oppressed multi-national media conglomerate has the right to purchase and eviscerate creatively sound material from Japan for processed consumption to the mindless masses in the hopes of finding the next Pokémon.

3: Every beer-chugging American anime fan has the right to complain about how stupid Pokémon is and how it misrepresents the art of Japanese animation while secretly hording Pokémon tapes and watch them late at night with the sound turned down, moved to passions unknown at the sheer pleasure of it all.

2: Every gas guzzling American respects the right of every thirty-something loser to elbow pre-teens out of the action figure isle at the local KB Toys to buy up all the new Akira figures to re-sell on E-bay.

1: Every trash-talking, war-mongering, samurai-loving American has the right to watch cartoons. Yeah, that's right, cartoons.

As always, Akadot welcomes submission for new top ten lists based on existing topics or on entirely new topics. Email all entries to editor@akadot.com.