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The Lovelorn Otaku Drinking Game
That special someone turn you down yet again? Don't they know you're a dynamic, talented and attractive individual? So what if you've got a basement full of fan subs! Well, you've come to the right place for solace friend. Pop in your favorite anime and prepare to drown your sorrows away...
Rule 1:
Every time there are three or more suitors who desperately want the main character, take a big gulp of orange juice. You know, it's a mixer. You didn't think we'd let you get drunk so that you'd call your darling at midnight begging for love, did you? We take care of our people here.
Rule 2:
Take a drink of Gatorade every time a character works out to impress their object of desire. As any athlete knows, it's the number one thirst quencher.
Rule 3:
Every time a character realizes that they've loved another character all along, be daring and take two drinks of caffeinated soda. You've got to support those who see the light and discover the truth, even if your true love remains so obviously in the dark.
Rule 4:
Every time you are attracted to an anime character's stylized good looks, great physique and boisterous hair, take a pull of Yoo-Hoo. You need something to snap you back into reality. It's just a cartoon character fer Pete's sake!
Rule 5:
Don't let a hideous exterior derail your as of yet unrequited quest for love. In a show of stalwart pride, take three drinks of Hawaiian Punch every time a character shows his or her undying love for another and is spurned. The succulent red juice will symbolically represent your bleeding, broken heart as they are rejected.
Rule 6:
Now, to avoid the euphoria of the sugar and caffeine high, flush out your system by draining an 8 oz. bottle of water every time a character tries to kill themselves for love. Here you can take a hint and do something self-destructive if you really want to prove your love. It worked for Van Gogh, didn't it?
Here's one last tip: if after the anime is over, and you're still amazingly heartbroken and left without the will to live, send your sweetheart some flowers, candy or poetry. If that doesn't help to win them over - we recommend drowning yourself in cheap gin, straight up and lots of it. Cheers!
Uresei Yatsura © Kitty Films / AnimEigo
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