The night was as black as a bruised crow when a man walked into my bar, began playing Sex Pistols songs on the juke and ordered a Bad Habit*. His name was Vicious, and he seemed to know the couple in the corner using Alabama Slammers* with French Twists* to drown their sorrows about the cancellation of their show Big Shot*, a daily cable throwaway about all the bad guys that the cops don't have time to put away.

Then she walked in. She had the sort of body that makes a man wish he were a gardener so he could plant kisses all over her. She wore a yellow shirt so tight I could hardly breathe. She ordered her usual, a Cinnamon Schnapps and Ginger Ale* - no cherry. I tried one myself once and it reminded me of her, it refused to stay settled for long. She was here to meet Spike, who walked in looking as cool as a Sea Breeze*, which he sometimes drank, but not tonight. He just told me to start pouring - after all he can shoot anything.

Things went from bad to worse when another set of gams strolled in - I didn't see her at first, I thought Spike was ordering a new drink when he said something about Bloody Julia*, but once I saw her I couldn't have peeled my eyes off with Paint Thinner*. Her legs were as long as a Russian Novel*, a novel that both Spike and Vicious were slowly reading. The situation was as tense as a hemophiliac making out with a Vampire - so tense that when she puckered her Angel Lips* to say "Shotgun*" I didn't know whether it was an order or a warning.

Jet wasn't happy when he came in. You wouldn't be either if you had to park your ship on a street that's as narrow as a Bigot's Mind*. Once he saw the looks that Faye, Julia, Spike, and Vicious were exchanging he told me to make his Cement Mixer* a double - which explains how his voice wound up sounding that way.

I had the feeling that tempers were about to become hotter than a Prairie Fire*, but then the cops burst in. It turns out the computer hacking kid in the corner drinking Screaming Viking* with her dog was a minor and I was being busted for serving her. I lost my liquor license that day, but not my poetic one, which explains why I'm sitting here now drinking Boilermakers and writing boilerplate fiction.

Bad Habit - Vodka and Peach Schnapps served in a low glass

Alabama Slammer - Southern Comfort, Orange Juice and Sloe Gin

French Twist - Cognac and Amaretto served in snifter

Big Shots - Jack Daniels filled to the rim in a highball glass

Cinnamon Schnapps and Ginger Ale - It's all in the name, served with or without a cherry depending on experience

Sea Breeze - Vodka and Grapefruit Juice with a splash of Cranberry

Bloody Julia - Vodka, V-8 and Tabasco sauce with stem of a rose

Paint Thinner - Everclear, Triple Sec, and Tequila Blanca served flambé

Russian Novel - Vodka, White Creme de Cacao and Light Cream garnished with black licorice

Angel's Lips - Benedictine and Bailey's

Shotgun - Citrus Vodka, Grand Marnier and Rose's Sweet Lime Juice

Bigot's Mind - A thimbleful of motor oil

Cement mixer - Bailey's chased with limejuice

Prairie Fire - Tequila and Tabasco Sauce

Screaming Viking - Would you like the cucumber bruised?

Cowboy Bebop © Sunrise/Bandai Ent.