But besides content, overwhelming technicalities also hampered our efforts to fail safe test the subtitle theory.

1. One was the aforementioned bad penmanship, which still persisted despite our best efforts.

2. It also took time for the subtitler to come up with a translation and, in the interim, situations usually changed drastically making the subtitle irrelevant, crippling the witty banter for which Owen and I are so renowned.

3. We thought that typing subtitled lines into a computer would be easier, but swinging the laptop around so people could see it proved more trouble than it was worth and we learned very quickly that people don't like to read much anyway.

4. Drinks get spilled at bars. Several splashed over our subtitle pad.

5. Two freakish anime journalists are not overly interesting to the average bar patron. Come to think of it, there were a lot of things more interesting in the bar than us. Forget divaricated attention, this bustling atmosphere had multiple distractions. Anna Kournikova on the greasy TV screen for one, getting stomped like Mark Hamil at a Star Trek convention by her rival Martina Hingis (who, by the way, doesn't have golden hair nor an ass of thunder); various companions who would wander into the bar and, rather frustrated about my serious project for work would say, "Get a real job you freak;" a pool table; a dart board; red vinyl seats.

So, we needed a script, a complete translation of that script as subtitles in addition to a captive audience. Well, we got the first two, but since the end of any conversation had to be scripted, we couldn't really adapt to changes of topic, situational dynamics or the big burly guy in the corner asking us if we've ever done time. Luckily for us, our good pal Todd Mason wandered in for a few drinks and unknowingly volunteered to aid us in our little test.

Luis: (scripted) Hey, Todd. Good to see ya. [Owen's subtitle: Hello, it is a great pleasure to my house for you to arrive, Mr. Mason.]

Todd: Lou, what's up amigo

Luis: (scripted) What do you want to drink? [Owen's subtitle: Welcome to the fountain of whiskey.]

Todd: Like it's a secret, man - Jack and Coke.

Luis: (scripted) I'm already a few up on you. [Owen's subtitle: I am ashamed to be so drunk.]

Todd: So ... (adopting an angry tone) ... did you break my hummingbird feeder?

Luis: (scripted) Here's your drink. [Owen's subtitle: The night is beautiful, can I get you drunk?]

Todd: We can work it out if you just speak to me directly about this.

Luis: (scripted) Anna Kournikova's not going to win the Davis Cup. [Owen's subtitle: Tennis woman with hair like golden honey and ass of thunder struggles for the Davis Cup.]

Todd: Hey, if you keep changing the subject I'm going to assume that you did break it.

Luis: (scripted) But no one's going to beat the Williams sisters. [Owen's subtitle: Greetings to the blessed daughters of the sun.]

Todd: Are you even listening to me? What a way to show respect for a friend, man.

Luis: (scripted) Now Pete Sampras, can that boy swing a racket. [Owen's subtitle: Gorilla man good.]