The opening ceremonies began with a Heavy Gear storyline as the Ohayocon staff took turns introducing themselves and the con guests. Meanwhile, Solid Snake infiltrated Ohayocon and evaded the henchmen of Michael Eisner, chief of the evil Disney Empire. In the end Godzilla devoured Eisner to chants of, "Toho, Toho, Toho." The ceremonies also announced Manga Entertainment had brought their long awaited End of Evangelion for screening Sunday morning. The festivities were a welcome change to the disappointments I had experienced thus far.

Following the ceremony, I thought I should get an early start on locating the charity "Roast" of the one and only Princess of Canada (a.k.a. Scott Frazier). I eventually found a sign reading, "Roast is at the Pool." Unfortunately I had no idea where the pool was. A member of the hotel staff pointed the way, and once I found it, I also found a locked door bearing a sign saying, "Get tickets to the roast from the registration desk." I returned to the Registration Desk (on the other side of the hotel) where I was informed, "Someone is wandering around selling the tickets."

After hunting the elusive "someone" for a while, I spied a girl wearing an "I Am Cute" t-shirt, carrying a clipboard and a handful of colored slips of paper. TICKETS!

I got my ticket and headed back toward the pool. Soon the area was full of guests including the celebrity attendees of the convention. At a large head table sat folks like The Right Stuf's Jeff Thompson, costumer Dave Zyn, Racer X (Rob Baranek), costumer Nickey Froberg, and Studio Ironcat's Steve Bennett. Finally, her Highness made her entrance.

Each celebrity in turn told their hilarious stories of Scott. Jeff Thompson called on the expert testimony of Melissa Phelps who testified to Scott's endeavors to determine how many ways the word "soiled" could be used.

Racer X commented that, with Scott, "the fans come first. Then they roll over and go to sleep." Abruptly, Scott received a cell phone call.

Pulling a phone from his purse Scott took his call while all in attendance waited. When the call ended, Racer X quipped, "I'm not sure which made me think most: the fact he has a purse or the fact he uses it!"

Nickey Froberg took the podium, and, upon seeing Scott in his royal-pink gown, exclaimed, "Oh my god! Jiggly Puff's gonna eat me!"

Steve Bennett, seated at the end of the table, wearing flashing devil horns, took the podium next. "Scott's the new Shirley Temple of our time," he said. "Once you wanted to be a god of anime. Now you've messed up the curve, and you've become the goddess of anime. He started drawing those girls with the big eyes and big breasts, then he started dressing like them."

Additional comments came from folks in the audience, such as voice actress Jessica Cavello (Cutey Honey), who queried, "How do aspiring princesses live up to a princess or your caliber? How can I be you?"

All in all, the roast was a truly once-in-a-lifetime experience filled with fun and laughter. But alas, all good things must come to an end. I returned to wandering the hallways of the hotel for another two hours with hundreds of others, desperately seeking programming. Still the expected programs had not arrived, and still the staff seemed clueless.

The game room, though labeled, was closed, and the three video-screening rooms were showing a random selection of unposted viewing schedules. A number of panels were scheduled, such as website design, import gaming and cel trading, but their locations remained a mystery.

After hunting down "Open Mic Night" its fate was no better than anything else, suffering from overheated equipment and excessive delays throughout. Following that disappointment, I roamed the halls with no aim for several more hours. Upon returning to my room for the night I wondered, would it be wise to spend any more time or money attending the remaining two days?

Continue Ohayocon 2002 with Days 2 & 3.